Growing Queen

I fell in love with a married man. Who is more in the wrong for this? Is it me or is it him. I want so badly to be loved and to give love that I would convince myself it was right and meant to be. I pray for God to send me the man of my dreams, one that God has designed that will be there for me. I prayed but I have an issue with the wait. I am board. There are things happing in my life that I would love to share with him, there are days that are hard and I need to cry and him to hold me….but he is not here.

I fell in love with a married man. Because he was never 100 with me, I would try to talk with other people. I thought it would make me feel better.  I felt worst. Ironically I would disapprove of them because I saw they were dishonest or using me, when I was doing the same thing. Or some of the guys were just a little bit too good, but my heart could not connect. I wanted what I wanted.

I fell in love with a married man. And other married men would try to be with me also. Using the right time and the right place as a way to cheat on their wife. With the hope she will never find out. Woman always know, and will always find out. Why did I attract these awful men? I always dream of a Cinderella story to fall in love would be me. I want love to be real and honest, and I want to mix bloodlines and create a beautiful family. The only problem is God will never bless a sin.

I fell in love with a married man. I was young and dumb and easily manipulative. I was naïve. But it will NEVER happen again.

My heart is still open, but along with my brain. The inner voice of wisdom will no longer be silence, I apologize to the wives of these “married” men. I am sorry that our Cinderella story is not what it seems. The man that asked your hand in marriage, is going out of his way for sex. Because sex to him is not cheating its sex. But if it was so innocent they would have told everyone the truth. But no. there are a stream of lies and secrets. He makes himself the victim. I fell for it. It truly sucks. People warned me to be careful, but I did not listen. I deserve to feel the way I do. So I am sorry.

Everything in life has a meaning. This one meaning is stop being stupid, and do what I know is right. Even if he is the most attractive man that you have ever seen, do not entertain him if he is off limits. If he is MARRIED HE IS OFF LIMITS, IF HE IS SOMEBODY BOYFRIEND HE IS OFF LIMITS…..OFF LIMITS MEANS OFF LIMITS, EVEN IF HE TRYS TO ESCPAE INTO THE ON LIMITS, IF HE LEGALLY IS OFF…THEN HE IS OFF………. This rule will save me and anyone from a world of hurt and guilt.

God will give me the desires of my heart. But he will not bless a sin. This is my dirty secret that I DON’T want anyone to know, people think so highly of me. What would they think after reading this? This is as transparent as I can be.

 

One Day I will be a Good thing that will be married, praying he doesn’t lust after girls like me

Sincerely A Growing Queen